The buzzword for this holiday season is "re-gifting." What does it mean? It means that somebody who is too lazy or cheap to buy a gift for someone instead takes something that has been given to them before and re-packages it as a fresh gift. This goes against etiquette somehow, not to mention American consumer customs which demand fresh gifts for everyone as a sign of your regard for them. I see hundreds of ads for diamonds, which seem to be valuable for their rarity despite the fact that there are thousands, perhaps even millions of them available in jewelry stores around the globe.

I am faced with giftgiving just like everyone else and I am up against rules of etiquette which are more complicated the older I get. Each gift must be appropriate to the person who receives it, whether it is edible, drinkable, or fuzzy. I wouldn't want to give wine to a person who has had problems with alcohol, nor would I want to give peanut candy to someone who would drop dead if he ate it. I have to measure how much this person means to me before I assign them a gift. If there is a discrepancy, then I will be embarrassed. Too expensive a gift, and I look like I'm kissing up to that person. But too trivial a gift, and they might think I didn't care enough about them.

Most of my friends and acquaintances live in dwellings that are packed with stuff and things, into which another object would just drop like a stone onto a rocky shore. Do I dare to buy them another thing, then? Or should I buy them an edible or drinkable goodie that I like, knowing that they would share it with me? Giftgiving has always had a factor of self-interest in it. Also, most of my recipients know where I work so they will be expecting some goodie from Trader Joe's, even though they shop there themselves and could buy anything they wanted. And they know that I get a discount at Trader Joe's, so I am sparing some expense by bringing consumables. Does that mean I am generous, or cheap, or an improbable combination of the two?

In this affluent little corner of the world, many of my recipients make much more money than I do, so there is an inequality that I can't escape. Their budget for gifts might be a lot more than mine. If I receive an expensive gift one year, then I might expect another costly one this year, which is just my pure greed. If my financial situation improves, does that mean I must buy more expensive gifts? What if I don't buy any gifts, but choose something from my private collection of Stuff to give to someone else's private collection of Stuff? That's re-gifting. Just let me make sure it isn't inscribed to me and is free of my monogram.

Then there are the holiday cards. I would like them all to arrive before Christmas, but they won't. I am re-conceiving them as New Year's cards, which had better be all right for those receiving them. I make my cards myself, which saves the money of buying pretty but smarmy Holiday Greetings cards with glitter angels or kittens under decorated trees. But that means I have to write my own greeting into the card. How about, "I hope your New Year doesn't suck!" or "Don't die this year, please!" That would be honest wishes but perhaps a bit, uh, uncouth. So I have to think of something nice to say in which the previous message is encoded. "Have a happy, healthy, and creative New Year!" In which you don't die, and keep your job at wherever and you don't get divorced. The Holiday Greeting Code is in effect.

And so who do I send these home-made missives to? I had a list once, but some of these people really did die over the last year, or they had a breakdown, or moved somewhere and didn't leave any forwarding address. Relatives and good friends must receive cards, otherwise they will think I don't love them. The embarrassing part is where you receive cards from someone you had crossed off your list because you just don't see them more than once a year. Then you have to send them a card and they will know, since your card comes later than they sent theirs, that you only sent it to them because you got one from them. Some cards simply go unanswered. They will think I don't care.

Here in the city the crowding and the milling is so intense in this last week before the holiday, that I just can't stand the idea of going out other than to go to work or to buy basic supplies. That includes Poland Spring mineral water, bagels, and toilet paper, and the occasional slab of meat or bag of frozen vegetables. I don't think Poland Spring water would be enough of a gift. There is one gift that I can probably get away with: for my non-addicted friends, WINE is always in good taste. Especially if I get to drink it.

Posted at 4:01 am | link