Over the many years that I have used PC computers, Windows and Microsoft have been good to me. I always wondered what all those other users were complaining about. Everything worked for me, and my computers never had the kinds of troubles that my friends and correspondents reported. I never lost data to disastrous hard drive failures, nor did I suffer embarrassing computer breakdowns in the middle of writing important texts. I didn't even have mild computer complaints…until now.

I have a modest but very useful Dell laptop, which I bought in 2004 for use at work and on the road. Its name is "Fravashi," which means something like "Divine Immortal Spirit" in ancient Persian. (Aim high, I say.) I have knocked out hundreds of graphic designs on this machine both for my sign work and for my own use. Fravashi accompanied me on my recent journey through Pennsylvania and Maryland, where it stored the digital photographs I took of the countryside and the cows. It worked fine and never gave me any problems or complaints until I tried to upgrade its operating system.

Fravashi, for most of this year, always gave me a whining little screen pop-up when I started the machine, which said, "Windows Service Pack 1 will cease to be supported by Microsoft in October 2006." I knew that Windows Service Pack 2, the upgrade, worked well on my desktop machine (which is named "Pythagoras." OK, I admit it, I'm childish and Unscientific 'cause I name my computers.). Pythagoras, also a Dell, dates not from the fifth century BCE but from 2003, and it had no problems with Service Pack 2.

The upgrade already existed in 2004 when I first attempted to load it onto Fravashi. The results were bad. Fravashi barely worked after the installation. In a panic I called Dell support (for a new computer, this was free) and spent two hours with a kindly Indian temple maiden, uninstalling Service Pack 2. After that episode, Fravashi worked perfectly well again, so I figured I just didn't need the upgrade at all.

Two years later, Fravashi started to clamor for its upgrade again. I think its appetite was bigger than its digital stomach. I spoke to my Expert Friends and they said that Microsoft had had two years to refine Service Pack 2 so that it wouldn't wreck my laptop's delicate constitution. I should then download it and re-install it. Trust Microsoft. Nothing will go wrong. Sure.

On a moist September night I downloaded the upgrade through wireless internet. I then restarted Fravashi a couple of times. I was duly disappointed to find that Fravashi had lost most of its performance and ran as if its circuits were slogging through virtual yogurt. The Service Pack 2 upgrade was no better than it had been in 2004.

Since it was two years after I had acquired the computer, customer service calls to Dell were no longer free. So I had recourse to my Webmistress, who has plenty of experience with these problems, and she came over to try to work on Fravashi. She poked around the software for more than an hour, and diagnosed one of its problems as an incompatibility with Norton's internet protection software. So I de-installed that, which did give Fravashi a bit more pep, but it was still working at a way slower speed than normal. Not only that, it was unprotected against Internet viruses and other "malware," the pleasant term for hostile transmissible computer programs.

In addition, my Webmistress' ministrations seemed to have un-subscribed me from my own home wireless system, though Fravashi could still be connected by cable, or, for God's sake, dial-up if I were really desperate. That didn't mean that Fravashi had no Internet, though. I live in an apartment building with at least four working wireless transmitters (routers) including those of my neighbors which are un-protected against being picked up by strangers, i.e. me. So Fravashi decided to connect to my neighbor's wireless system. Even then, it wasn't doing its Internet right, so in proper Microsoft Windows user fashion, I attempted to re-start the machine again. Fravashi, who had never had to apologize to me before, gave me this message:

"ATI External Event Utility EXE Module has encountered a problem and needs to close. We are sorry for the inconvenience.

If you were in the middle of something, the information you were working on might be lost.

Please tell Microsoft about this problem. We have created an error report that you can send to us. We will treat this report as confidential and anonymous."

I didn't know whether to be comforted or infuriated. I felt more of the latter than the former. It's nice to know that they want to hear about my error report. However, despite (or because of) being connected to someone else's internet wireless, the error report didn't go through. Instead, Fravashi seized up. I had to manually shut it down.

This leaves me with about 7 pounds of mostly inert Dell electronics which are no good to me either at work or while traveling. Fortunately, I now have "SoyMac," my Macintosh laptop, which will gladly, perhaps even gleefully, take up the duties that Fravashi is currently unable to perform. That is, if I can figure out how to operate it without getting that spinning rainbow MacBeachball "stuck" icon.

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