Last week I dragged myself into a movie house and actually saw a movie in its intended place, on a big screen. It was even a digital rendering, so it was clearer than the ordinary without the usual pits and scratches and fibers and blurring. But that experience reminded me why I don't go to see movies. The film was "Harry Potter 4," and it was adequate entertainment, with plenty of fantasy special effects and some scary horror moments. But it wasn't worth the discomfort I had to endure.

I don't go to movies. I don't even see them on TV or video/DVD, most of the time. In this, I think I am probably deficient in some way. Movies and cinema are a huge part of our modern culture and they provide things to talk about which establish a common civilized humanity. When my co-workers talk about movies, I am out of it. I don't know what they are talking about, unless it's some famous film that even I have seen, such as the earliest three STAR WARS films or GONE WITH THE WIND.

How do the other folk manage to go to so many movies, and sit through them? I find it physically difficult. First of all, I have to pee at least once during a movie, even if I don't drink anything. During Harry Potter 4, I took two bathroom breaks, and I rushed back to find that I really hadn't missed much at all. This isn't a good sign for a movie. Long ago I used to know a teenaged youth who rated movies by how many times you had to go to the bathroom during it. A "no-pee" or "one-pee" movie was so good that you didn't want to miss it, so you waited. A "two-pee" movie was OK, and a "three-pee" movie, well, was pretty mediocre. (This has nothing to do with the famous movie robot, "Three-pee-O," who didn't have to pee at all.)

Sitting in a crowd with other people, especially strangers, and especially in the dark, makes me nervous. It's not that I am afraid of them, it's that I feel trapped. I get claustrophobia in a movie theater, even if there are only a few other people in it. I also get the same feeling in a church, which is one reason why, despite my supposed religious obligations, I don't go all that often. I even get the feeling during a concert, though if the music is good I can forget about it for a while. Is there something mentally disturbed about this? "Normal" people sit there calmly and even fall asleep, while I am glancing at the exits and hoping I can get out.

Movie theaters smell bad, and the one I went to, which was a grubby suburban multiplex, had seats that were too low-slung. It was also chilly in the room, so I kept my winter jacket on the whole time I was there. After I left, I got a painful back spasm that lasted for hours. This was too much. There are things I will not put up with just to be part of my mainstream culture.

Would it fulfill my cultural experience if I viewed movies on DVD at home, where I can pause the machine and get up to go to the bathroom without missing anything? Are films supposed to be viewed only on a big screen, where we viewers can appreciate the details blown up large before us and the thunderous soundtrack, or is it OK if a viewer sees it miniaturized but easily visible on a little home screen? (Sorry, can't afford either the money or the space for a wide-screen "home entertainment center.") If you were a film director or producer, would you care how people viewed it, as long as people saw (and paid for) your movie? The only film people I ever knew were a pair of nature photographers who worked for PBS's NOVA TV series. I had a short-term job selecting music for their soundtracks. The question of how the films were to be seen never came up, since this was directly for TV. Most nature films are pretty soporific anyway, unless they have predator animals or erupting volcanoes in them. So it's better to fall asleep in comfort on the couch in front of the TV.

Am I culturally deprived? From what I can gather about modern movies, I am not missing much, except brutal violence, bondage, torture, warfare, blood and guts, bad language, and an awful lot of sex. (There was bondage and torture in "Harry Potter 4.") Isn't the real world full enough of that? I guess that I am already into the territory of old-lady prissiness that I don't like seeing stuff like that. I'm faced with a culture that fills its art, and its public life, with bitterness, endless irony and cynicism, noise, violence, and relentless quick-cutting speed. I'm supposed to like it. Go go go! I won't go. I take refuge in the studio, with my spacemusic, art, and the comforting, non-violent work of math and physics.

Posted at 3:21 am | link